VOX Box: Scott Pilgrim VS Lucas Lee

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  • [Ambient Filter: muffled rock music, muffled mass applause]
  • Scott Pilgrim: You tell me a story.
  • Ramona Flowers: About what?
  • Scott Pilgrim: Lucas Lee.
  • Ramona Flowers: I told you that story.
  • Scott Pilgrim: No, Ramona... Uh... Lucas Lee is here.
  • Ramona Flowers: What?!
  • Scott Pilgrim: I, uh, I got to go...
  • Ramona Flowers: Scott!
  • Scott Pilgrim: ... [gulp, click, clatter, fabric shifting, clatter]
  • Lucas Lee: Scott Pilgrim?
  • Scott Pilgrim: ...
  • Lucas Lee: Hello?
  • Scott Pilgrim: ...
  • SCOTT IS IN DISBELIEF THAT SOMEONE FAMOUS IS TALKING TO HIM... SCOTT!
  • Scott Pilgrim: Huh? What? Oh, right... [throat clears] Yes... I am he.
  • Lucas Lee: "I am he." [scoff, footsteps] Relax, dude.
  • Scott Pilgrim: Relax? You're here to kill me. [pause] Aren't you?
  • Lucas Lee: What? [scoff] No...
  • Scott Pilgrim: Is this a trick?
  • Lucas Lee: Why would I trick you?
  • Scott Pilgrim: Because you're... evil?
  • Lucas Lee: [scoff, footsteps] Ouch... Chill, bro. I'm serious. I'm not here to fight.
  • Scott Pilgrim: Why else would you be here?
  • Lucas Lee: To talk?
  • Scott Pilgrim: To talk?
  • Lucas Lee: Yeah, even if I wanted to fight you, the rules are clear. I cannot attack a champion without a declaration of hostile intent.
  • Scott Pilgrim: Demarcation of hostess indent?
  • Lucas Lee: Wow. [chuckle] That was completely wrong... [pause] Wait, did Patel not go over this?
  • Scott Pilgrim: Um... He may have, in one of his letters... [pause] That I didn't actually read.
  • Lucas Lee: God, that's so like him! [sigh] I've told him before that you just need to confront the champions face to face. Tell them what is what. Set the ground rules. Make sure it's a fair fight... and then defeat them honorably on the field of battle. That should be the way of things.
  • Scott Pilgrim: I mean... That does sound fair.
  • Lucas Lee: I know, right?! [scoff, chuckle, footsteps] Hey, this is your van? You mind if I sit here?
  • Scott Pilgrim: Uh... [pause] no. Go for it.
  • Lucas Lee: Thanks, man. [sigh, clatter, clatter] Oh, hey, these things can go on for a while... I brought some sports drinks and baby carrots. You want in?
  • Scott Pilgrim: That sounds so good. [footsteps, clatter, sigh]
  • Lucas Lee: [clatter, clatter, clatter] There you go.
  • Scott Pilgrim: [clatter, clatter] Thanks! [plastic tearing, clatter, chomp, chew, pause, gulp] You're not such a bad guy.
  • Lucas Lee: Thanks. Mind if I smoke?
  • Scott Pilgrim: No. That's cool. [chomp, chew]
  • Lucas Lee: Thanks. [fabric shifting, clatter, lighter crank, flame crackling, cigarette sizzling, puff, puff, blow] So, how's Ramona?
  • Scott Pilgrim: [chewing:] She seems good.
  • Lucas Lee: That's good. [puff, puff, pause, blow] What's she doing in Montreal?
  • Scott Pilgrim: [gulp] Maple City actually.
  • Lucas Lee: No [expletive]? I was up there not long ago filming. Good town. Good town.
  • Scott Pilgrim: They call it the Metropolis of the North.
  • Lucas Lee: Yeah, I heard that. [puff, puff, blow] So, she got a job or just laying low?
  • Scott Pilgrim: She works for Blackhawk Express. [swig, gulp]
  • Lucas Lee: [puff, puff, blow] That seems right for her. She did like to be on the move. Even when she was living in one place, she liked to meet new people. See new things. [puff, puff, blow] She was always going to parties and making friends.
  • Scott Pilgrim: I met her at a party... [chomp, chew] [chewing:] Well, sort of...
  • Lucas Lee: ??? [puff, blow]
  • Scott Pilgrim: I saw her in my dreams.
  • Lucas Lee: In your dreams?
  • Scott Pilgrim: [chomp, chew] [chewing:] Mmhmm... [gulp, clatter, swig, gulp, clatter] Yeah, I don't really understand it myself. But she was using my head for shortcuts through the city. I guess she was using my dreams as some sort of... uh...
  • Lucas Lee: Psychic junction? [puff, puff, blow] Like a bus depot or crossroads...
  • Scott Pilgrim: Yeah. I guess. [pause] Like I said, I don't get it. Like, it makes sense. I am a psychic... and my teachers were always telling me to live up to my potential, so I guess there's a lot of latent energy in me that I don't know how to use, but... Hey, as long as its useful to Ramona, that's something, right?
  • Lucas Lee: [sigh, puff, puff, blow] That's just like Ramona...
  • Scott Pilgrim: [chomp, chew] [chewing:] What?
  • Lucas Lee: [sigh] Look, I'm not here to [expletive]talk Ramona, bro... but... [puff, puff, blow] She's a user.
  • Scott Pilgrim: [gulp] I don't think Ramona is using me.
  • Lucas Lee: Yeah? [scoff] Who fought Patel?
  • Scott Pilgrim: I did, but... She didn't know he challenged me. I mean, I didn't really know either, but... that was my own fault.
  • Lucas Lee: Wake up, bro. [puff, puff, blow] Ramona has a pattern. She's gonna use you, abuse you, and then lose you. That's just how it goes.
  • Scott Pilgrim: Ramona... My Ramona?
  • Lucas Lee: Afraid so. [puff, puff, blow]
  • Scott Pilgrim: So she broke up with you?
  • Lucas Lee: We didn't "break up", Scott... She ditched me.
  • Scott Pilgrim: What? Why?
  • Lucas Lee: [puff, puff, blow, scoff] She didn't think I could change. [cigarette tossed to ground, cigarette stomped underfoot] She thought I was too set in my ways. She thought I was stagnant and only happy when there was a war to fight, conflict to oppose, or cause to support. She didn't see how much I had changed to that point and was not willing to stick around to see how much more I could change. [sigh] She left me for the first cocky pretty boy that swaggered by... [long sigh] Not literally, but she went searching for some pampered conflicted artist that had never done a hard day's work in his life. She thought that would give her insight or some [expletive].
  • Scott Pilgrim: What? Seriously? Ramona didn't mention that part.
  • Lucas Lee: Yeah, well... There's a lot of things that Ramona doesn't mention, Pilgrim. [scoff] She likes to act like she's little miss perfect, but the truth is...
  • Scott Pilgrim: Yeah?
  • Lucas Lee: [sigh] She cheated on me.
  • Scott Pilgrim: She what?!
  • SOUND FAMILIAR, SCOTT?
  • Scott Pilgrim: [pause] No... [sigh] That's impossible.
  • Lucas Lee: Wish it was, mi amigo. [sigh] I didn't know it at the time, but once I met the other Exiles...
  • Scott Pilgrim: You mean "Exes"?
  • Lucas Lee: No... I- [pause] Patel didn't tell you about the League?
  • Scott Pilgrim: Again, I didn't read his letters.
  • Lucas Lee: Ramona didn't fill you in?
  • Scott Pilgrim: She told me about the Seven Evil Exiles.
  • Lucas Lee: Whoa, dude... Easy on the "Evil" label, okay? It's a bit harsh.
  • Scott Pilgrim: Sorry...
  • Lucas Lee: [long sigh] Patel should have done this. He has a better grasp on all this magic mumbo-jumbo, but look... Patel, me, Ramona, Gideon... All of us, we're all different individuals, right? Well, that didn't used to be the case. We were all once part of a larger, more powerful being. [pause] We were a god. Not the God from the Bible or whatever, but like Zeus or Thor or some [expletive]. You follow me?
  • Scott Pilgrim: You, Gideon, and Patel used to be the same guy?
  • Lucas Lee: The same god. Yeah... Ramona, too... and the other half of the Exiles, too.
  • Scott Pilgrim: [gasp] Ramona used to be a guy?!
  • Lucas Lee: No. She was part of a guy. [pause, scoff] I mean, a god. Part of a god. I don't know if we had a gender. [scoff, shrug] Oh, hell, maybe we were a goddess. Maybe I used to be a chick. Maybe that's why chick flicks are usually my most successful films. Anyway, I don't know. None of us do. Memories of our former self were stripped from us, as were our name. Our entire identity was taken from us.
  • Scott Pilgrim: By who?
  • Lucas Lee: We don't know that either. Gideon has his theories, but... I don't know. To be honest, I don't care.
  • Scott Pilgrim: That sounds awful. I'm sorry.
  • Lucas Lee: [scoff] Why? I'm not. Look, Pilgrim, sure maybe all of us Exiles were stronger as a whole, but I like who I am. I'm not the same person I started off as a thousand years ago. I've grown. I've changed. I've learned new crafts and apply new trades. I've worked hard to get where I am. [pause] Between you and me, I don't want to join the rest of the Exiles.
  • Scott Pilgrim: I thought you were already a member-
  • Lucas Lee: What? No... I think it's important that we unite as one, symbolically. I mean, we're the closest thing we have to a family, right? We're stronger together than we are alone, but... I'm not like Patel. I'm not like Gideon. I don't want to force Ramona to become one with us again. I don't even want to become one again. I like who I am. I like my independence, hombre.
  • Scott Pilgrim: ...If that is how you feel, why are you here?
  • Lucas Lee: Because I have to be... This is what the Exiles want. I'm going to do my part... But we don't have to fight.
  • Scott Pilgrim: I thought that was why you were here... To issue your... challenge or whatever.
  • Lucas Lee: Yeah. The Declaration of Hostile Intent. But look... [eldritch thrum] I got my token here. I can give it to you now and then I can't come after you or Ramona, as long as you're her champion.
  • Scott Pilgrim: Why would you give that to me?
  • Lucas Lee: [ong sigh] You seem like a nice guy, Scott. [beep, beep] Oh, hold on. I need to check this. [fabric shifting, clatter, click, screentap, chuckle] Oh... That's actually hilarious. [chuckle, click, clatter, fabric shifting] Sorry about that, ese... Anyway, you'll take care of Ramona, right?
  • Scott Pilgrim: I... I want to. Yes.
  • Lucas Lee: There you go.
  • Scott Pilgrim: Whoa, that easy, huh?
  • Lucas Lee: That easy.
  • Scott Pilgrim: Wow, tha- [pause]
  • Lucas Lee: What?
  • Scott Pilgrim: This is a trick, isn't it?
  • Lucas Lee: What?
  • Scott Pilgrim: You're an actor! Actors lie!
  • Lucas Lee: Hey-
  • Scott Pilgrim: This is some sort of trick, right? Ramona said there was some rules you have to follow and there were loopholes and stuff.
  • Lucas Lee: Yeah, so? [pause, scoff] Bro, look, you don't know, but I'm a man of my word. If I say I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it.
  • Scott Pilgrim: You almost had me convinced... [scoff] Damn, you're a good actor.
  • Lucas Lee: Thanks. I'm going for an Oscar this year... and that's exactly why I'm doing this, Scott. Take the damn coin and let's us go our ways. You can go on to fight the other Exiles and I can go back to Star City and wrap up production. Assuming you and Ramona survive long enough, I'll even send you tickets to the premiere. We'll make a week out of it. I'll take you guys to my private island and- It'll be great. Just take the token. Seriously, bro. I don't want to kill you and I don't want you to kill me.
  • Scott Pilgrim: Would you actually die?
  • Lucas Lee: Me? [scoff] No! I'd wake up naked a week or so later in the middle of Scotland. But that complicates my life... a lot. I can't risk it. So...
  • Scott Pilgrim: Can, uh... [sigh] I want to, but... I just want to make sure I don't screw things up for Ramona. I need to talk to her.
  • Lucas Lee: I respect that. [eldritch thrum] I have an agent, a manager, and a whole legal team to look over all my contracts before I start production. So I'll tell you what, ese, Gideon's given me a month to take you out. Come see me in Star City if you can or shoot me a call when you've made a decision. [fabric shifting, paper crinkling] Here's my card. Have your people call my people. We'll work something out, okay?
  • Scott Pilgrim: [paper crinkling] Do your people know that you're a-?
  • Lucas Lee: No... So just leave your name with them. I'll be in touch. Oh, and just to cross the Ts and dots the Is, consider this your declaration of intent. [wink, chuckle] Adios, Pilgrim. [hand slapping shoulder, clatter, footsteps] I got a flight back to Star City to catch.
  • [eldritch thrum]
  • Lucas Lee: [pause] Oh, look who it is.
  • Scott Pilgrim: Huh?
  • Ramona Flowers: [door opens, skatey skate skate] Scott!
  • Scott Pilgrim: Ramona?
  • Ramona Flowers: [skatey skate skate, brake, pant, pant] Scott... You're okay? [pause] Are those carrot sticks?
  • Scott Pilgrim: [pause] Yeah? [pause] Want one?
  • Ramona Flowers: ...I am... I'm confused.
  • Lucas Lee: [footsteps] 'sup?
  • Ramona Flowers: Uh... Hey, Lucas.
  • Lucas Lee: How's life?
  • Ramona Flowers: Uh... Good. You?
  • Lucas Lee: Not bad. Not bad... [pause] He seems nice.
  • Ramona Flowers: He has his moments.
  • Lucas Lee: I like the skates. [eldritch thrum, skateboard clattering on ground] Hey, since you got the door right there, mind if I-?
  • Ramona Flowers: What? [pause] No... Go ahead.
  • Lucas Lee: Thanks. That'll save me a redeye flight. I can get back to getting blazed in my winie. [chuckle, skatey skate skate, eldritch thrum]
  • Ramona Flowers: Scott?
  • Scott Pilgrim: Yeah? [chomp, chew, chew, gulp, clatter, swig, gulp] Something wrong?
  • Ramona Flowers: [sigh] I... I am... [gasp] What the hell was that?!
  • Scott Pilgrim: [gasp] Oh no! [rapid footsteps, groan]
  • Ramona Flowers: [skatey skate skate, brake] What?
  • Scott Pilgrim: [long sigh] I forgot to get his autograph...
  • Ramona Flowers: Seriously?

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