VOX Box: Scott Pilgrim VS GFs Old, New, and New New

VOX Box: Scott Pilgrim VS GFs Old, New, and New New

Characters

• Young Neil (Sex Bob-Omb, Roadie)
• Stephen Stills (Sex Bob-Omb, Singer / Guitarist)
• Kim Pine (Sex Bob-Omb, Drummer)
• Scott Pilgrim (Sex Bob-Omb, Bassist)
• Ramona Flowers (Thinks bands are lame, and is dating a bassist)
• Stacey Pilgrim (Barista, Best Friend, Responsible Sister)
• Knives Chau (Still 17 Years Old)

Location

• Stills' House, Maple City, Canada
• April 10th 2016, 2011 Local Time

VOX Archive

• Young Neil: Where's Knives?
• Stephen Stills: Study group?
• Kim Pine: Forget to pick her up from daycare?
• Scott Pilgrim: Oh, we broke up.
• Stephen Stills: You broke up?
• Young Neil: With Knives?
• Scott Pilgrim: Yeah... But maybe you'll meet my new new girlfriend soon!
• Young Neil: New new girlfriend?
• Scott Pilgrim: [chuckle] Oh, check it out! I learned the bass line from Ending Epic Two! [--steady bass line--]
• Kim Pine: ...
• Stephen Stills: ...
• Young Neil: ...
• Kim Pine: Scott, you are the salt of the Earth.
• Scott Pilgrim: Thank you, Kim.
• Kim Pine: Oh, I'm sorry, I meant scum of the Earth.
• Scott Pilgrim: What?
• Young Neil: Hey, Scott, have you seen the cover of the new issue of Now?
• Scott Pilgrim: The one with the Lucas Lee article? [sigh] Can we not talk about him, please?
• Young Neil: Oh, that was last week. Here. Check out the new one. [paper crinkling]
• Scott Pilgrim: [paper crinkling, pause, scream] The Clash at Demonhead?!
• Kim Pine: Neil, are you crazy? [footsteps] We don't discuss the E-word around Scott! [paper crinkling]
• Stephen Stills: [sigh] Look, whatever, Scott. I get it. You and Nat had some drama, but I have reason to be mad with her, too... but I dunno. I think it's cool that they're getting recognized and are finding success.
• Scott Pilgrim: It's not cool! [groan, sigh] It's the complete opposite of cool! It's... It's...
• Young Neil: Hot?
• Scott Pilgrim: What? No! It's... Uncool!
• Kim Pine: Good one...
• Stephen Stills: Come on, man. At least one of the old gang made it big.
• Scott Pilgrim: [groan, hand gripping pillow, thwomp] It isn't over! We're gonna destroy her stupid pretentious crappy art school poser band! Just you wait and see!
• Kim Pine: Do I detect some latent hostility?
• Young Neil: They're just good, man. Have you heard their latest album? Here, I'll lend it to you.
• Scott Pilgrim: You're fired, Young Neil! Fired!
• [ding dong]
• Stephen Stills: Who is that?
• Scott Pilgrim: Oh, that'd be my girlfriend, Ramona. [footsteps, door opens, footsteps, door closes] Hey.
• Ramona Flowers: Hey... Are we not going in?
• Scott Pilgrim: We will... [pause] In a moment. I... I need to warn you.
• Ramona Flowers: Okay?
• Scott Pilgrim: [sigh] So, my friends are kind of... I don't know if you'll like them.
• Ramona Flowers: Pfft... They can't be worse than you.
• Scott Pilgrim: They're stupid! I hate them! And you will too!
• Ramona Flowers: Pfft... I'm sure they're fine.
• Scott Pilgrim: Maybe... [long sigh] Oh, can I crash at your place tonight?
• Ramona Flowers: Sleepover? Sure.
• Scott Pilgrim: Good, because Wallace is having sex in our bed.
• Ramona Flowers: Dude, you need a new apartment... [door opens, footsteps]
• Stephen Stills: She was such a genius...
• Ramona Flowers: Hey everyone. I'm Ramona.
• Stephen Stills: Hi Ramona!
• Young Neil: Hey!
• Kim Pine: You're Scott's girlfriend? [pause] I don't buy it. What does she see in him? They can't share any interests, right? And you're not Scott's type...
• Stephen Stills: Kim-
• Ramona Flowers: It's fine. [scoff, footsteps] I get it. So, uh, who's a genius?
• Stephen Stills: Envy Adams.
• Ramona Flowers: Who's that?
• Young Neil: The lead singer of The Crash at Demonhead.
• Ramona Flowers: Ewww, you listen to that trash?
• Scott Pilgrim: [chuckle, footsteps, door closes] Yeah, that's right, suckers! This is my girlfriend!
• Kim Pine: Okay... Now I see it.
• Stephen Stills: Hey, so, Ramona... I'm Stephen.
• Ramona Flowers: Stephen Stills?
• Stephen Stills: Yeah... [pause, nervous chuckle] You heard of me?
• Ramona Flowers: Scott told me about you.
• Stephen Stills: Good things?
• Ramona Flowers: For the most part.
• Stephen Stills: Cool. Anyway, did he mention I'm a cook?
• Ramona Flowers: No. He told me you're a singer.
• Stephen Stills: Well, I am both... and pretty much whatever else I want to be. [chuckle] I was just about to make dinner. You want in?
• Ramona Flowers: Sure. What's for dinner?
• Stephen Stills: Vegan shepherd's pie. That cool?
• Ramona Flowers: Oh... Okay... Sure. I've eaten plenty of vegan meals. I used to date a vegan, actually. So who here is vegan?
• Stephen Stills: Uh... None of us.
• Scott Pilgrim: We just like to be inclusive. [chuckle]
• Young Neil: I could be but I like to eat fish.
• Stephen Stills: I could never go without eggs.
• Scott Pilgrim: I eat a lot of stuff.
• Kim Pine: This conversation makes me want to barf.
• Scott Pilgrim: Hey, Ramona, that's Kim. [pause] Kim Pine, Ramona Flowers.
• Kim Pine: Hi.
• Ramona Flowers: Hi... So like how did you all meet?
• Stephen Stills: MCMA, mostly.
• Scott Pilgrim: Well, I knew Kim from before.
• Kim Pine: How did you two meet?
• Ramona Flowers: Um... It's kind of complex.
• Scott Pilgrim: I'll give you the simplified version sometime.
• Kim Pine: Okay...
• Ramona Flowers: You two knew each other before the MCMA? Is there a story there?
• Kim Pine: Um... I don't usually tell people this, but Scott and I dated in high school.
• Ramona Flowers: What? Really?
• Kim Pine: Yeah. It's not a big deal or anything.
• Ramona Flowers: Cool. Any embarrassing stories?
• Kim Pine: [chuckle] Oh, yes... [pause] Scott's an idiot.
• Scott Pilgrim: That's all ancient history. No need to worry about that, Rammy.
• Kim Pine: Rammy? Are you seriously calling her that?
• Ramona Flowers: Are you seriously calling me that?
• Scott Pilgrim: No! [nervous chuckle] It was a joke... [nervous chuckle] Just a joke name... Ha! Ha! So funny, huh? [nervous chuckle]
• [Focus Shift]
• Scott Pilgrim: [muffled:] That's all ancient history. No need to worry about that, Rammy.
• Kim Pine: [muffled:] Rammy? Are you seriously calling her that?
• Ramona Flowers: [muffled:] Are you seriously calling me that?
• Knives Chau: [sigh, footsteps, bushes rustling, footsteps, fabric shifting, footsteps, clatter, blipt, click, footsteps, screentap] Stacey! Can you meet me at my house in like, ten minutes?!
• Stacey Pilgrim: Ten minutes? Seriously?
• Knives Chau: Stacey! I'm being serious, Stacey! Listen to me! I need to talk to you!
• Stacey Pilgrim: Why?
• Knives Chau: I need a shoulder to cry on or whatever!
• Stacey Pilgrim: About Scott? [scoff] He's not worth your tears, Knives.
• Knives Chau: I know it's been like hours... but I just learned something new! New information! Disturbing information! Disturbing information, Stacey! Come on!
• Stacey Pilgrim: [sigh] Okay...
• Knives Chau: Okay? Great! So ten minutes, right?
• Stacey Pilgrim: It'll take me twenty minutes at least.
• [Focus Shift: 27 Minutes Later, Chau Residence]
• Knives Chau: [loud sigh] He's moved on, Stacey! He's dating that fat-ass hipster chick from the concert!
• Stacey Pilgrim: Ramona.
• Knives Chau: I know, right?!
• Stacey Pilgrim: He's just a jerk, Knives. Always has been.
• Knives Chau: He's not just a jerk! He's a really sweet guy!
• Stacey Pilgrim: Scott?
• Knives Chau: I mean, he was going on about how maybe I'm too young for him and he doesn't want to hurt me and everything, right?
• Stacey Pilgrim: Uh...
• Knives Chau: [clatter] Can you read these instructions for me? I'm so agitated, I can't see straight!
• Stacey Pilgrim: [clatter, pause] Are you seriously bleaching your hair? Are we really that desperate?
• Knives Chau: Stacey!
• Stacey Pilgrim: [sigh] So um, let it sit for like half an hour.
• Knives Chau: Half an hour??! This sucks! [sigh] I think he only likes her because she's so old, you know? She's probably like twenty-five! She's some fat-ass hipster chick, you know?
• Stacey Pilgrim: You keep calling her fat... I'm going to be honest, I don't see it.
• Knives Chau: She's just some stupid- [sigh] She's had time, you know? She's got a head start! What am I supposed to do? How do I fight her?
• Stacey Pilgrim: Fight her? [pause] For Scott? [pause] Why?
• Knives Chau: I didn't even know there was good music until I met Scott!
• Stacey Pilgrim: Do you think he was two-timing you? I mean, he had to, right?
• Knives Chau: Are you serious? He would never!
• Stacey Pilgrim: He has before. Well sorta...
• Knives Chau: He's the sweetest guy! He's so sweet! He really cares about my feelings, you know? [scoff] Can you open this box?
• Stacey Pilgrim: ... [sigh] Hand it over. [clatter]
• Knives Chau: God, I don't know! He must have just met her! I mean, he knew I was cool but he thought I was too young, so he tried to find someone cool but old, right?
• Stacey Pilgrim: Now she's cool... I thought you thought she was fat.
• Knives Chau: Well, she thinks she's so cool.
• [Focus Shift: Another 27 Minutes Later]
• [Ambient Filter: water faucet running, pop rock music playing]
• Knives Chau: It's so red! It's like my head is bleeding!
• Stacey Pilgrim: What? Did you say your head was bleeding?
• Knives Chau: Thanks for helping me do this, Stacey. I just had the idea and I thought, I have to do it right now! Tonight!
• Stacey Pilgrim: I can't hear anything you're saying...
• Knives Chau: What do I do? How do I win him back? Obviously it's just a twist of fate or whatever, isn't it? [faucet turned]
• [Ambient Filter: water faucet running, pop rock music playing]
• Knives Chau: [clatter, footsteps, sigh] Star-crossed lovers! Born too late! Oh, God! [gasp, pause] I look so.. GOOD!
• Stacey Pilgrim: [pause] What's this weird music?
• Knives Chau: The Clash at Demonhead. Oh, by the way, we're going to one of their concerts this summer.
• Stacey Pilgrim: We are?
• Knives Chau: Do you think I'm too young for him?
• Stacey Pilgrim: Um... biologically? Yes. Based on maturity? He's too young for you.
• Knives Chau: But she can't have him.
• Stacey Pilgrim: You're crazy, Knives.
• Knives Chau: I'll take her out of the picture.
• Stacey Pilgrim: Y'know... this song is actually pretty good. What did you say they were?
• Knives Chau: They're my favorite band, Stacey! You can't have them!
• Stacey Pilgrim: Okay... Next time you come into Jitters, I'm scaling down your caffeine intake, girl.
• BACK AT STILLS' PLACE
• Scott Pilgrim: Back? Did we leave?
• Ramona Flowers: What?
• Scott Pilgrim: Huh?
• Ramona Flowers: You just... I'm- I'm confused.
• Stephen Stills: [footsteps] Okay, so we need to get serious, people. We need a plan.
• Ramona Flowers: A plan?
• Stephen Stills: A plan!
• Young Neil: What for?
• Scott Pilgrim: Yeah, Stephen Stills, what for?
• Stephen Stills: If we're going to join the Hex Girls on tour, we need a plan! We need money! We need a car! We need-
• Kim Pine: A plan?
• Stephen Stills: Yes! Thank you, Kim!
• Ramona Flowers: ... [giggle]
• Stephen Stills: I think I got this matter resolved with Scott and the police. As long as I agree to keep a watch on him and promise we're not going to abscond to Qurac or something, we should be allowed to leave Ontario without an issue, but that still leaves the matter of working on raising money, buying a car, and getting the time off work to meet up with the Hex Girls before they end their tour in two months.
• Kim Pine: I don't know about money, but I could quit my job, no problem.
• Stephen Stills: Seriously?
• Kim Pine: Yeah, I hate it.
• Scott Pilgrim: Same here.
• Stephen Stills: Easy there, Scott. I put my neck on the line to get you that job. You can't quit.
• Scott Pilgrim: But if we're going to be opening up for the Hex Girls-
• Stephen Stills: Scott, you can't quit! I'll talk to our boss. I'll get us a few months off... somehow.
• Scott Pilgrim: Okay... [sigh]
• Young Neil: I don't have a job.
• Stephen Stills: Yes, you do. You're our roadie, Neil.
• Young Neil: Oh, right... Then I guess I'm set.
• Stephen Stills: Okay, so that still leaves the matter of the car and money... Which mostly just means we have a money problem.
• Scott Pilgrim: Isn't Julie rich? Can she loan us the money?
• Stephen Stills: We... We broke up.
• Kim Pine: [sarcastic:] Oh no... [pause] Okay, so we wait a week and when you're back together, you get the money.
• Stephen Stills: Ha ha, Kim... Very funny.
• Ramona Flowers: I can loan you guys the money.
• Scott Pilgrim: ...
• Kim Pine: ...
• Stephen Stills: ...
• Young Neil: ...
• Stephen Stills: Ramona, we can't-
• Ramona Flowers: Don't be silly, of course you can.
• Stephen Stills: Ramona-
• Ramona Flowers: This is a really big break, guys. You landed a touring deal as an opening act for a really big band after playing like half a song at your first gig ever. You need to capitalize on this momentum. Let me help you.
• Stephen Stills: Scott, I swear if you break this woman's heart, I will murder you.
• Scott Pilgrim: What? [nervous chuckle] I would never- I couldn't. [scoff] I've never broken any girl's heart.
• Kim Pine: ... [growl]
• Scott Pilgrim: Kim? You okay?
• Kim Pine: [pause] [through grit teeth:] Peachy...
• Ramona Flowers: Look, it's late, let's talk about this later, okay? I got an early morning and we need to swing by the market and get Scott some supplies.
• Scott Pilgrim: Supplies?
• Ramona Flowers: Toothbrush and such.
• Scott Pilgrim: Why?
• Ramona Flowers: You're spending the night at my place, remember?
• Scott Pilgrim: Oh... Right. [pause] It's fine. I can just use your toothbrush.
• Ramona Flowers: Eww... No, you can't.
• Scott Pilgrim: Why not?
• Ramona Flowers: For starters, I don't know where that mouth has been... [chuckle] You'll have your own. It's fine.
• Scott Pilgrim: Wow, really? Thanks! I haven't had my own toothbrush in ages.
• Stephen Stills: ...
• Young Neil: ...
• Ramona Flowers: ...
• Kim Pine: ...
• Scott Pilgrim: What?
• Kim Pine: I'm afraid to have the answer to this, but... Scott, do you brush your teeth?
• Scott Pilgrim: Of course, Kim! It's gross not to!
• Kim Pine: Okay... Good... [pause] Follow-up... How do you brush your teeth if you don't have a toothbrush?
• Scott Pilgrim: Oh, Wallace and I share one.
• Ramona Flowers: I'm starting to suspect I'm your side-piece and Wallace is your main course.
• Scott Pilgrim: What? No!
• Stephen Stills: Yeah, so... uh... Have fun. [footsteps, fabric shifting] I'm going out. Don't bother waiting up for me, Neil.
• Young Neil: Okay.
• Stephen Stills: [footsteps, door opens] I'll walk with you two to the bus stop.
• Scott Pilgrim: Cool. [footsteps, fabric shifting]
• Ramona Flowers: Nice meeting you all. [footsteps]
• Stephen Stills: See you later, Kim. [door closes]
• Kim Pine: Hey, Neil? Is Stephen playing vigilante again? [pause] He can't be, right? Where's he go after every practice?
• Young Neil: Oh, uh, no... [clatter] Drinking. [clatter, beep, beep, 8-bit music, clatter] He goes drinking. [pause] I'm thirsty. You want something?

Trivia and Notes

• Part of the Scott Pilgrim VS Everything Storyline.
• Story continues from VOX Box: Scott Pilgrim VS the Women in his Life.
• Story continues in VOX Box: Scott Pilgrim VS the Dinner Date.
• This VOX Box was inspired by the graphic novel series Scott Pilgrim and its related media.
• Scott will later use the Ending Epic bass line during his battle with Todd Ingram.
• Ending Epic is a pastiche of Final Fantasy.

Links and References

• VOX Box: Scott Pilgrim VS GFs Old, New, and New New