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Faux Box - Batter's Up!

Faux Box: Batter's Up!

Characters

Location

VOX Archive

  • Jean-Paul Valley: [footsteps] Sons, thanks for coming to this rally. It's good to see you all, but this is not a social gathering so let's cut right to it, shall we? Bring the four accused forward.
  • Luke Fox: Sons, you heard him. Bring the... wait a minute... Four, I thought there was thr- Wait, what the hell? Get your hands off me! JP, what gives?
  • Jean-Paul Valley: Sorry, Luke... You had access. I got to consider you, too.
  • Luke Fox: Whoa, come on now, JP! We're brothers, man!
  • Jean-Paul Valley: Kneel, Luke... [sigh] Thanks, Luke... I appreciate this. I really do. [footsteps] Sons! These four kneeling before me are the only ones who accessed the lock-up the night our goods disappeared and mysteriously got delivered to the GCPD. So... I think we've found the traitor in our midst... they're among these four... Is it my Sergeant-At-Arms, Wingman?
  • [overlapping jeers and cheers]
  • Jean-Paul Valley: Maybe it's the daughter of the police commissioner? Carrie Kelley? AKA: Misfit?
  • [overlapping jeers and cheers]
  • Jean-Paul Valley: Perhaps it's this guy... One of our newest patched members, Matches? Or... dare I say, it's our own Treasurer? Holly 'Kittyhawk' Robinson?
  • [overlapping jeers and cheers]
  • Jean-Paul Valley: Wow, I thought there'd be more of an outcry for you, Holly. Burned some bridges, have we? Maybe spending too much time with that friend of yours? Miss Kyle?
  • Holly Robinson: Leave her out of this, Saint. She's pregnant for Hell's sake.
  • Jean-Paul Valley: Fair enough... Fair enough, Holly. She didn't access that lock-up so I won't touch her... or her baby's head, I promise. Well, not unless I find out you accessed it for her.
  • Holly Robinson: Why would I do that? Some of that stuff would incriminate me just as much as you and the rest of the Sons.
  • Jean-Paul Valley: Not if you made an immunity deal. I mean, it wouldn't be the first time you avoided a stint in prison, would it, Holly?
  • Luke Fox: Come on, JP! You know it wasn't me or Holly. We're in the Inner Circle, man!
  • Jean-Paul Valley: Exactly! Gives you more access!
  • Luke Fox: So are you just going to interrogate us all night or what?
  • Jean-Paul Valley: Oh... No, no, no... See, the way I see it... This was a two-man job. It has to be. And what I'm going to do, is go down the line here with my bat. Giving you each one good whack. Then when I get to the end, I'll go back down the line again... and so on, and so on, and so on... you get the idea. I'll keep going until your conspirator speaks up or I kill someone.
  • Carrie Kelley: Are you kidding me?! What if you're wrong and it wasn't any of-
  • Jean-Paul Valley: [metallic baseball bat smashing into brick wall, bricks crumbling] Of course it was one of you! See that hole right there? Another outburst like that and that's your face!
  • John Malone: I did it! I broke into the lock-up. I stole the evidence. I turned it over to the GCPD. It was me... but you're wrong about it being a two-man job. It was all me.
  • Jean-Paul Valley: [chuckle] Very chivalrous of you, Matches... Speaking up for the girl... I see what you're doing, and while I sympathize... [sigh] I don't believe you... so... [whack, blood spatter]
  • [overlapping gasps, cheers, jeers, hisses, and applause]
  • John Malone: You son of a bitch! [grunt, thumbs dislocating, rope dropping to floor, rapid footsteps, whack, whack, kneecap dislocating]
  • Jean-Paul Valley: [whimper] What the hell? How did you- Wait a minute! I know those moves! [whish, whish, metallic baseball bat caught by hand, wrist dislocated, finger bones breaking, whack]
  • John Malone: You wanted to see someone getting beaten by a bat? Well, let me give you a firsthand look at what it looks like to be beaten by a Bat! [crowd screaming, panicked footsteps]

Trivia and Notes

  • This is not E27 Canon. This is a FAUX Box. It's a fake VOX Box. This is non-canon and does not occur in E27 Continuity. This is merely an homage to an infamous moment in The Walking Dead, but with Batman!
  • The real one is VOX Box: The Real Deal.

Links and References

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